Trying Again...

I have spent the last 45 minutes writing about a recent connection my brain made through pictures. For some reason, I cant seem to transfer my thoughts from brain to words, which has made me very frustrated. Add that to the fact that some kids wont leave my house and I cant decide what to eat, its been a tough night. Then, throw in not seeing my beautiful fiancee all day, my mind has all but shut down.

My natural born laziness has been threatening to overtake me since last week. My brain seems to be working overtime to figure out reasons why I dont have to go to class. For the most part, I have recognized these thoughts and shot them down before having to decide whether or not to act on them. It has been a long time since I have put myself in a position like this. I am doing great in all my classes and there is only 2 weeks left. I should use this as a time to reenergize myself, but it has had an opposite effect. I have never worked harder in school than this last semester, but it hasnt been nearly as gratifying as I expected. Unless i figure out how to reverse all these feelings, I fear that my determination will decrease, through a lack of incentive.

This morning was beautiful. The sun was shining and it was a very comfortable temperature outside. I feel like that explains my life right now. I really have no complaints. But it is what happens when the wind comes up and the clouds come in that I need to be prepared for. Mae very accurately expresses how I feel, "Ready and Waiting to Fall." I am at a peak, and the normal course of life suggests that the fall will come soon. I am lucky enough to recognize this and am going to be prepared. I am pretty sure it will come in the next 3 weeks or so, when I have have to go a few weeks without my rock. The other night I realized, not for the first time and not for the last time I am sure, just how much Shaylee means to me in my life. She left my house after we had watched a movie, and once she left, my whole countenance changed. I had had a tough day, but I got through it then got to spend time with her. After she left, I got so bitter and was in a horrible mood. I could not see the positive in anything around me. I know Satan is working on my very strongly, he sucks. I feel adversity everywhere I go, even more than usual. The wind is pushing me everywhere, but I am doing all I can to not be effected by it. It was a lot like playing basketball today. We played at an elementary school, outside in the wind. Outside shots were impossible, the wind was just too strong. We had to work together and stay close to the basket for anything to work.

I know I have to go out into the wind sometimes to get everything done that I need to. It is these times that I feel so vulnerable, so exposed. The slightest wind seems to test my balance. My usual steady demeanor is bruised and battered, even sleep seems to sap me of energy. The edge seems so close. I know that only I can cause myself to fall off, which I will not allow to happen. The fall is approaching but it will not be over the edge...it will be to the ground and I will be able to pick myself back up. The nice thing about all of this is I have a safety net. My love and rock is more than willing to push me along, even carry me if I need it.

Wow, that was a personal post but it helped me clear my head. Now maybe I can finish the last post I started...

A Full Mind

Just a few things that are on my mind right now.

-Baseball "highlights" are the worst part of Sportscenter.

-I finished season 3 of 24 tonight. Way better than season 2.

-I need to find season 4...

-Can Eric Gagne possibly be any worse? Does anyone doubt that he was on steroids those two seasons when he was unhittable?

-Tiger Woods will win the Masters by 4 strokes. An amateur will finish in the top 15.

-Im excited to watch the Par 3 tournament while I work tomorrow afternoon.

-If I were Bill Self and my alma mater was offering a $6 million signing bonus and $3.5 million per year, I would go.

-If I were Kansas, I would not offer more than $2.5 million per year to keep him.

-Psycho T needs to return to UNC, so does Ty Lawson.

-The UCLA style of play will never win them a national championship.

-I already miss UNLV basketball. Its gonna be a long 7 months...

-My earliest memory is from a packed Thomas and Mack. I remember Tark being introduced and the shark would go around the top of the arena. Visiting teams would leave the floor instead of watch the fireworks and introductions. The only players I remember are Larry Johnson, Stacey Augmon and Greg Anthony.

-Why dont the fireworks intimidate anymore?

-Only 7 weeks until my wedding day.

-My parents are so supportive. I am glad they have let me make decisions and mistakes. It has taught me so much about life.

-There are new episodes of Scrubs, The Office and 30 Rock this week!

-Today is one of the days that I absolutely hate the game of golf. I went to the range and could not hit the dang ball. I have never been so frustrated while practicing, but I stuck around and tried to push through it to no avail...I will be back out there tomorrow.

-Lately I have been in a music funk. Im not really in the mood to listen to anything I have, and nothing new sounds good. This really frustrates me, I never listen just to listen, but that is how I have felt the last few days.

-I like blogging. It allows me to express myself and let others know what is going on in life. I dont care if no one else reads, I will still write. I write for me, not anyone else.

-I saw a flyer for a physics club meeting and thought of Alec.

-Tiffany has helped us so much with our announcements.

-I hope I have more energy tomorrow than today.

I think that is about it. I have more in my head, but nothing is forming into anything complete. Now that college basketball is over, I dont know what I will watch each night, but I am happy I wont have to hear Jay Bilas force his opinions on me.

Another one of these stupid tag things

10 Years Ago....

I was 11 years old and dreamt of being a professional athlete, basically what I still dream about today.



5 Things on my to do list Today

1. Hang up laundry
2. Register for wedding
3. Eat a few meals
4. Watch Memphis/Tennessee
5. Become a millionaire



4 Things I would do If I was a Billionaire

1. Drop out of school
2. Buy an NFL team
3. Go to Brazil and build houses
4. Follow the Rebels to every game



3 Bad Habits

1. I am too humble
2. I think about others way more than myself
3. My shoes are too beautiful



5 Places I've Lived

1. Las Vegas, NV
2. Cedar City, UT
3. Sao Paulo, Brazil
4. Las Vegas, NV
5. Cedar City, UT



5 Jobs I've Had

1. Master of the File Room - Leavitt Insurance Agency
2. Runner - Hutchison and Steffen. Thats where I realized the worthlessness of most (notice I said most, Andrew) Lawyers.
3. Vice President of Rating - Leavitt Insurance Agency. Who else has ever had a VP title?

6 Things People Don't Know About Me

1. 5th grade was the highlight of my athletic career. Champs in basketball and hockey, I was the MVP of the hockey team.
2. I will learn Italian before I go to Italy.
3. I am addicted to The Real World and all spinoffs/challenges.
4. I really appreciate good art.
5. My body pillow has a name...Julie Taylor. And I sleep with her every night.
6. I enjoy not having a favorite NBA team.


I refuse to tag anyone else. I HATE these things!